Collection of funny quotes tagalog, funny quotes with pictures, funny sayings, funny quotes about life, short funny quotes, funny facebook status, funny one liners, funny quotes and sayings
100 Short Funny Quotes
If life hands you lemon, break out the tequila.
Good girls are Bad girls who never get caught.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit , Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
If you have a gun , you can rob a bankBut if you have a bank, you cn rob everyone.
When people cut you down or talk behind your back, remember, they took time out of their pathetic lives to think about you.
If you love someone set them free. If they don't come back , call them later when you are Drunk.
You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance–waiting for the bathroom.
I have Alzheimer’s bulimia – first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, “At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas."
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
The last woman I was in was the Statue of Liberty.
A quick word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said ”no”.
Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
